the most exciting thing that has happened today is when my best friend tried to say ‘wait’ and ‘hang on’ at the same time and ended up saying ‘wang on’ and I thought about it on the way home and nearly crashed my car from laughing so hard
- most girls: hair done up really cute, lots of makeup, designer clothes, hipster blog, thigh gap
- me: no hair, glasses, scary beard, button up shirts and porkpie hat, cooks meth to provide for my family. i am the danger. i am the one who knocks
"Love says: I’ve seen the ugly parts of you, and I’m staying."
trying to argue with someone over text is like being italian and having to talk with handcuffs on
my uncle used to be one of those people who drove dead people to cemeteries and such
then he became a taxi driver and the person he was driving tapped his shoulder to ask a question and my uncle screamed really loud
I’m sure that’s what he thought.